Training Ocelots for Fun and Profit

This class has passed
This class has passed

What’s it all about?

Have you ever thought to yourself “I really, really wish I was an ocelot trainer” but never knew how to start? Ocelot training is rewarding both financially and emotionally, much more so than training regular old dogs and cats. Only chameleon training comes close, and that’s only because of the colour-changing thing.

What will we cover?

We’ll start with purchasing your very first ocelot. Although Coles-brand ocelots have good dental hygiene, you’ll often get a better quality ocelots from the speciality stores such as “Just Ocelots”, “The Ocelot King” and the black market ocelot store down by the pier in St Kilda.

Moving on to general ocelot care, you’ll discover how to keep their coats shiny and healthy (using petroleum jelly), satisfy their insatiable hunger for pork chops, mint-flavoured chocolate biscuits and Justin Bieber concerts, and what to do if you catch your ocelot in compromising positions with the local feral cats.

Finally we’ll cover the basics of making a profit with your ocelots. Ocelots are highly intelligent creatures, and so can be trained in myriad fields including:

  • Not peeing inside the house,
  • Sitting, rolling over and begging for treats,
  • Fetching sticks, wallets from pockets, and other thievery,
  • Faking injury to garner sympathy from passers by, and
  • Advanced hyperbolic topology and differential geometry.

Who will be teaching

Having worked for over 5 decades in the rewarding field of ocelot training, April Fulsdei has decided to spread her knowledge so other people can experience the joys of working with these wonderful but suspiciously friendly creatures. Her other interests include training iguanas for fun and profit, training blue-footed boobys for fun and profit, and hiding her actions from federal customs agencies.